Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
