i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
