with your own penis?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
