Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
