I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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