drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
