were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
