We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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