My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
