i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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