hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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