We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
