you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
