She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
