i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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