just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
