I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
