Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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