Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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