So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize