I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
