Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
