He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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