I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
