and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
