Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
