I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
