I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
