your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
