i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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