I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
