Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You can't motorboat a personality
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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