How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
