I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
