i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So many bounce houses so little time
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize