How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
