stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
