He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
