my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
