So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
