i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
