When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Randomize