Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize