you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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