How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
