dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
