I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
where are my eyebrows?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
