I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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