I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
