shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
