so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
