Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
