Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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