Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
