I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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