All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
