My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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