shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize