But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize