I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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