A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Rumble strips road head = magical
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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