dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
