your thong is hanging out like whoa
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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