your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
