letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
40s are totally the cure
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
