Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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